Ninety Nine Bottles of Beer
by la.bella.vita13
Summary: Love really is unconditional. Because, Kaoru thinks, it's going to take 33 beers per child to survive this road trip. And because, if they weren't her and her best friend's kin, she'd strangle them in the first ten minutes. Oh, the joys of parenting.


**Ninety Nine Bottles of Beer**

Love really is unconditional. Because, Kaoru thinks, it's really is going to take 33 beers per child to be able to survive this road trip. And because, if they weren't her and her best friend's kin, she'd strangle them in the first ten minutes.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Disclaimed. <strong>

Before she got into her whole accident, **Maria** and I were exchanging these awesome little snippets of random bursts of inspiration. Then, we decided that we should make a whole story based on our randomness. As we read it, we were able to think of this one cool story :P Unfortunately, many of the parts were unfinished because we didn't have enough time to finish it together. So I just filled in the rest.

But the last few lines (the dialogue) were between her and me in an IM, dated February 25. :D

Enjoy!

© La Bella Vita 13 and This Pen Is Red

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><p><em>Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall.<em>

_Ninety nine bottles of beer._

_You take one down, pass it around, _

_Ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall._

The innocent little chant haunted your psychological wellbeing, reverberating through your head. Just when you think they've stopped, they're back stronger like an infectious herpes outbreak.

It only reminded you further of the little satanic devils resting on the back seat.

They're nice children, when you watch them from afar. Really, they are. Mikan-chan used to be your absolute favorite in playtime, Aoi always had good remarks in the right times, and Natsume… was just Natsume; it was always a delight to speak with him and his curiosity.

But perhaps you really thought that way _because_ you watch them from afar. Perhaps they weren't as wonderful to have around for hours and hours on end. Certainly, you knew that for sure with Aoi and Natsume. When watched from afar, they were sweet, polite and innocent.

Around you, daily, however? Complete and utter _nightmares_. Aoi would scream if you tried to clean out her ears after her midnight baths, and Natsume'd constantly pick fights with her. It was 'Mommy this,' and 'Mommy that.' One time, they had a real competition based on how much mess they can make, and how many times they can 'make mommy roll her eyes.'

Which is probably why you shouldn't have agreed to take care of them that certain Sunday morning. You didn't even remember the truth why you _did_ agree. Maybe it was because you wanted to believe that this time, it would be different. After all, Mikan-chan was involved in the ordeal, which made you immediately believe that going from point A to point B would be a smooth sailing trip.

_It wasn't._ In fact, her very existence made it terribly difficult to concentrate on the road as she was finding out new annoying songs to sing in the car- each far more annoying than the last- and asking if you were there yet simultaneously. How Yuka dealt with her still remains a mystery to you.

Five minutes on the road, and they were nothing but pure angels, looking out their windows in pure silence. That was when you actually thought that you could do this easily.

Ten minutes easily passed by after that, and… well, they got _bored_. That was the beginning of your whole mess.

A child being bored, deprived of fun, was like the closest equivalent to an alcoholic without any alcohol. Without it, things could get rather _ugly_.

The songs, the noise levels, the poking of the back of your head or constant tickle fests. You tried to keep up with it at first. You figured they were just little children, in need of some guidance and you reminded yourself that patience is a virtue.

The levels started rising exponentially. Your exasperated warnings to them increased in numerical value, somewhat building towards a climax.

And then, the biggest sin was committed, right before your eyes.

_They refused to put on their seatbelts. _

Safety was always the primary concern to you. The _prevalent, primary _concern. Whenever your husband started explaining things during a car ride with physical representations, you'd remind him to put both of his hands on the wheel constantly. Or to keep 'eyes on the road.' _The kids, though_? They had just defied your care for their wellbeing, running around like maniacs.

Perhaps that was the time that you demoted them from their actual names (Aoi, Mikan and Natsume) to Satan's Helper 1, Satan's Helper 2 and Satan's Helper 3 respectively. Or that was the time when you hit yourself against the wall in an attempt to escape reality in the form of a concussion.

And then you lost it. Somewhere, inside your mind, something snapped. And you lost it.

"KIDS, PUT YOUR SEATBELTS ON, OR SO HELP ME, I WILL CALL YOUR FATHERS INTO THIS MESS!"

_Yes, is mommy scary now?_ You tried to warn them earlier, but they just didn't listen. At that moment, rather than being afraid of whether you frightened them, you were proud for standing your ground. Finally, _finally_, you were a real strict mother, who knew when to say when.

You waited for their reaction. Their charming, obedient reaction. Suddenly, they did react.

They burst into tears. Aoi cried continuously for three minutes, Mikan wiped her tears wearily. The only one that didn't care was Natsume, who compliantly put on his seatbelt and fell silent.

You knew not of what to do, so you parked the car temporarily at a gas station, in order to have a moment with them. Seeing their sad faces (excluding Natsume), you realized that you weren't cut out to be the strict type.

"You see, kids…" You started, "I care about your safety. I'm so sorry for making you feel bad, but you cannot _ever_ take off your seatbelt when you're in the car. Remember? I was just scared for you."

The girls nodded, and wiped their tears.

"Okay. So long as you don't do that again, I am a happy camper."

As the car engine started and you got onto the road, the back seat was completely silent. _Heaven._

Then:

_Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall_

_Ninety nine bottles of beer_

_You take one down, pass it around, _

_Ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall._

Ah, the sweet sounds of your lunacy.

_They were back. _

X x X x X x X x X x X x X x

**Fifteen Minutes Later**

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Aoi?"

"I need to go pee-pee."

"WHAT? Why didn't you go when we were at the gas station, or at the coffee shop, or the FIFTEEN OTHER TIMES WE STOPPED?"

"Wait!"

"… Yes, honey?"

"… I don't need to go anymore."

_Shit._

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><p>Yuck, right? XP<p>

Review to join a little protest of which we demand Maria's return! XD


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